14 Things I No Longer Say

Goodbye to all that Read more

musings, things parents don't say

I think we’ve all read those funny lists of things we never thought we’d say until we became parents, things that we now say literally all the time. (My number one: “Why does this bathroom smell like pee?”) But it struck me recently that there are also a ton of things I used to say that have been stricken from all of my conversations. I’m not talking about swear words — if anything, I swear more often and creatively than ever, even though I do have to go whisper-curse to myself in the kitchen, out of earshot. No, I’m talking about the things my husband and I used to say to each other before we had children and/or turned 35. (Hard to tell if it’s getting old or parenting that’s changed our thought processes so much. Both? Equally?) In any case, it’s a very telling list. (You could also title this post: “HAHAHAHA, I used to say these things and mean them.”) Will I ever utter these things again? Doubtful. This includes: 

“Another round of tequila shots!” 

“I think I’ll wake up early to watch the sunrise.”

“My children will never behave like that.”

“It’s only midnight; let’s watch another episode.”

“Let’s get a dog!”

“Let’s have everyone over to our house for New Year’s Eve!”

“I’ll take that sofa / chair / rug / dress / pair of shoes in white.”

“I think I’ll take a few extra minutes this morning and straighten my hair / iron that dress / do my nails.”

“I’m just lucky, I never really get sick.”

“Oh, there’s a little stain / splotch of food on this dress! I’d better go change!” 

“I just can’t really deal with other people’s barf.”

“I prefer heels over flats.”

“Let’s just take a quick cab.”

“This recipe took an hour of prep time, but it was worth it.”